 哈哈哈。。。太好玩了，最喜欢“鸡同鸭讲”和说话“走音”的笑话。来而不往非礼也，咱也给你送几个让你乐乐：
宿舍里的同志们来自五湖四海 ,说话时就免不了鸡同鸭讲.一日 ,某东北和一甘肃男生去买方便面 ,东北自言自语道 :"整个啥味的呢? 葱香牛肉的吧 !"一旁甘肃男生好奇地问 :" 什么叫 '整 '啊?" 东北答:" 吃呗 ,就是吃的意思 ."傍晚 ,我们三人去卫生间,下水道堵了 ,导致里面 . 东北男生一看, 大怒 :"这可咋整
啊 !?"话音未落 , 一旁的甘肃面如土色 ,干呕不止 .......
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在一部拥挤的公共汽车上，一对青年男女拉著吊环站著。女孩对男孩說：「嗳！你
帮人家抠一下屁股好不好？」剎那间，公车內的空气仿佛凝结一般，那男子面有难色
的回答：「不方便吧？人这么多！」女孩还是撒嗲说：「我不管，赶快帮人家抠一下屁
股嘛！」此時，整部公车的人都注视着那男子身上。只见他 满脸通红地拿出大手机拨
了号码：「喂！屁股吗？我女朋友要我抠（ CALL) 你！！你自己跟她说吧。」
一广东人多年前在上海挤公共汽车。那时上海公共汽车就跟那沙丁鱼罐头似的挤得那个是密不透风哎。广东人对他身旁的女士抱怨：哎，我爱（挨）你，你爱（挨）我，好幸福（辛苦）喔！那女士大骂一声：流氓！把那广东人吓得一头雾水加汗水。
有两个东北人来上海出差，一起去小吃店吃早餐，正巧碰上一个女服务员。
东北人一：睡觉（水饺）多少钱一碗：
东北人二：不写着嘛，五块钱一晚（碗）
东北人一：这么便宜啊，那就给哥儿们来两晚（碗）吧
女服务员：死流氓！（哗一下，一碗热饺子汤随手泼出）
好吧，再来一段老美的：
I have a dog and I named him “Sex”. Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I would like to have one too!" Then I said, "But she is a dog!" He said he didn't care what she looked like. I said, "You don't understand. ... I have had Sex since I was nine years old." He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy." When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sex." He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family was barred from the church from then on.
When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me. When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the motel is a place for sex. I said, "You don't understand. ... Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me too!"
One day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around. I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest. He said that I should have sold my own tickets. "You don't understand," I said, "I hoped to have Sex on TV." He called me a show off.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married but Sex left me after I was married." The Judge said, "Same here!"
Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said, "I'm looking for Sex." -- My case comes up next Thursday.
Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why just the other day when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?" I replied, "Sex has been my best friend all my life but now it has left me for ever. I can't live any longer being so lonely." and the doctor said, "Look mister, you should understand that sex isn't a man's best friend so go get yourself a dog."
哈哈哈。。。嘎嘎嘎。。。嘿嘿嘿。。。笑死人不用找钱！ |
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